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You think so?
[ This time it’s rhetorical, with his foot nudging By’s. A friendly little kick, nothing lingering, because they were friends yesterday, and they’ll be friends tomorrow, and he doesn’t take any pleasure in making Byerly fumble around for solid footing on the other side of the table. ]
I suppose it could be, if you mean exactly as we have been. That is a lot to ask of a man. Some occasional arguing and retching would be fine, and the bootlaces might have had potential under other circumstances, but...
[ Still buying time. Would he want to continue? Something is better than nothing, as they say, until something is a decaying rope bridge over a canyon that doesn’t hold after all, when you could have just taken the long way around, or a wounded limb rotting and taking the whole body with it when it might have just been amputated.
He tilts his head, where it’s balanced in his head, to give Byerly a look, bewildered and warm. He’s not trying to make him squirm for sport. ]
Did you dress up for this?
[ This time it’s rhetorical, with his foot nudging By’s. A friendly little kick, nothing lingering, because they were friends yesterday, and they’ll be friends tomorrow, and he doesn’t take any pleasure in making Byerly fumble around for solid footing on the other side of the table. ]
I suppose it could be, if you mean exactly as we have been. That is a lot to ask of a man. Some occasional arguing and retching would be fine, and the bootlaces might have had potential under other circumstances, but...
[ Still buying time. Would he want to continue? Something is better than nothing, as they say, until something is a decaying rope bridge over a canyon that doesn’t hold after all, when you could have just taken the long way around, or a wounded limb rotting and taking the whole body with it when it might have just been amputated.
He tilts his head, where it’s balanced in his head, to give Byerly a look, bewildered and warm. He’s not trying to make him squirm for sport. ]
Did you dress up for this?
Edited 2020-09-02 14:56 (UTC)
I -
[ His hand goes to his chest, his fingers brushing against the fine weave of his second-best linen shirt, then catching the neck of his leather jerkin - fastened at the waist, in dandyish style, to show off his silhouette. It is an agonizing confession, but: he cannot bring himself to lie. ]
I cleaned up a bit.
[ He feels as vulnerable as a fresh burn. ]
[ His hand goes to his chest, his fingers brushing against the fine weave of his second-best linen shirt, then catching the neck of his leather jerkin - fastened at the waist, in dandyish style, to show off his silhouette. It is an agonizing confession, but: he cannot bring himself to lie. ]
I cleaned up a bit.
[ He feels as vulnerable as a fresh burn. ]
[ Bastien smiles wider—touched, not amused—and nods a little. The reality of the situation is seeping in. Byerly didn’t bring him to a neutral location to put him off gently, embarrassed he took advantage of an obvious crush. He’s asking, and he’s uncertain, and he dressed up.
He keeps the hope smothered. It’s still stupid. But he doesn’t have it in him to keep letting Byerly sit there while he tries to decide what he can bear, so he says, ]
It meant something to me. [ This sounds casual, too, mostly, but it’s a close call. He looks down at his drink to make it easier. ] If we keep on, it will mean something to me.
[ It’s partly fear that keeps him talking, instead of leaving that there on the table in need of an answer, but mostly fair play. Recompense. Vulnerability for vulnerability. It’s a lot to give away, but he’s sure Byerly must already suspect, on some level, to think that Alexandrie would make a difference. ]
So, ah. Can I think about it? You, too. I’m sure you thought about it before you called me, Monsieur le Cercle Vicieux, but Alexandrie isn’t here, and you’re anxious. When things have settled, maybe you will find that is as much Orlesian as one Fereldan can handle.
He keeps the hope smothered. It’s still stupid. But he doesn’t have it in him to keep letting Byerly sit there while he tries to decide what he can bear, so he says, ]
It meant something to me. [ This sounds casual, too, mostly, but it’s a close call. He looks down at his drink to make it easier. ] If we keep on, it will mean something to me.
[ It’s partly fear that keeps him talking, instead of leaving that there on the table in need of an answer, but mostly fair play. Recompense. Vulnerability for vulnerability. It’s a lot to give away, but he’s sure Byerly must already suspect, on some level, to think that Alexandrie would make a difference. ]
So, ah. Can I think about it? You, too. I’m sure you thought about it before you called me, Monsieur le Cercle Vicieux, but Alexandrie isn’t here, and you’re anxious. When things have settled, maybe you will find that is as much Orlesian as one Fereldan can handle.
As one half-Fereldan.
[ That's - better than By expected. And so he tries to crack a joke: ]
I think my Orlesian half would do better with her, but my Fereldan half would do better with you. Needed for balance.
[ Needed for balance. Is that what this is? It's part of it, at least. If By is going to be with Alexandrie, he needs Bastien as well. He needs that level-headed good humor, that casual warmth. Alexandrie is all fire and passion and high emotion; Bastien, whimsical practicality. But to want that - is it selfish? Is it evil? To want to take from both of them? Is he just using them? ]
But - yes; Maker, yes. Take all the time you want. [ A hesitation, and then, earnestly - ] I will not become a Vincent. I - If I see you, I only wish to see you happy.
[ And then, with a desperate sort of humor: ] Andraste's tits, it's hard to talk like this while sober.
[ That's - better than By expected. And so he tries to crack a joke: ]
I think my Orlesian half would do better with her, but my Fereldan half would do better with you. Needed for balance.
[ Needed for balance. Is that what this is? It's part of it, at least. If By is going to be with Alexandrie, he needs Bastien as well. He needs that level-headed good humor, that casual warmth. Alexandrie is all fire and passion and high emotion; Bastien, whimsical practicality. But to want that - is it selfish? Is it evil? To want to take from both of them? Is he just using them? ]
But - yes; Maker, yes. Take all the time you want. [ A hesitation, and then, earnestly - ] I will not become a Vincent. I - If I see you, I only wish to see you happy.
[ And then, with a desperate sort of humor: ] Andraste's tits, it's hard to talk like this while sober.
[ That makes Bastien laugh, and laughing sweeps away his half-formed plans to defend Vincent. ]
It is the worst. But you’re doing a pretty good job, I think.
[ He takes a long drink, because he was promised a second round and he intends to have it, then sets it down with a decisive little clunk. ]
D’accord. I’ll think. Not for too long, I promise. Just give me until she has been back for a few weeks.
[ To decide what he can stand, and to see if there’s a change, if there’s still space, if it would feel like trying to plant a garden in the middle of a hurricane. ]
And I—when I said you were my closest friend— [ if Byerly even remembers, drunk as he was ] —I meant it. So whatever else happens, don’t worry about that. I would not sacrifice being able to talk the way we do for the best cock in Thedas.
It is the worst. But you’re doing a pretty good job, I think.
[ He takes a long drink, because he was promised a second round and he intends to have it, then sets it down with a decisive little clunk. ]
D’accord. I’ll think. Not for too long, I promise. Just give me until she has been back for a few weeks.
[ To decide what he can stand, and to see if there’s a change, if there’s still space, if it would feel like trying to plant a garden in the middle of a hurricane. ]
And I—when I said you were my closest friend— [ if Byerly even remembers, drunk as he was ] —I meant it. So whatever else happens, don’t worry about that. I would not sacrifice being able to talk the way we do for the best cock in Thedas.
[ That is a massive relief. Tension drains from him - a long breath out from his nose, his hands less stiff on the cup. He is content enough to joke: ]
Which is, of course, sitting across from you.
[ And then, after a moment, he finds that he is content enough to admit: ]
I do believe that you are mine, as well.
Which is, of course, sitting across from you.
[ And then, after a moment, he finds that he is content enough to admit: ]
I do believe that you are mine, as well.
[ She mimes adding GET HIGH ON A BEACH to that imaginary list. ]
Not that I know of, no. I was just thinking about the times I've panicked about silly things and smoked to calm down, and wondered what if.
[ The closest she's come to panicking while on a mission was after that Maleficar took control, but clearly she kept it together long enough to escape, shove the fear aside, and seek comfort in Derrica's bed. (It's why she has a nervous tic, now, one she's been trying to hide since Bastien started training her.) 🙃 ]
Not that I know of, no. I was just thinking about the times I've panicked about silly things and smoked to calm down, and wondered what if.
[ The closest she's come to panicking while on a mission was after that Maleficar took control, but clearly she kept it together long enough to escape, shove the fear aside, and seek comfort in Derrica's bed. (It's why she has a nervous tic, now, one she's been trying to hide since Bastien started training her.) 🙃 ]
[ it's fine she just over-corrects little involuntary finger twitches by flexing her hand it's fiiiine ]
Maybe. [ She thinks on it for a moment, then decides to add a little reassurance, just in case. ] Until then I'm going to continue only smoking when I'm not working.
Maybe. [ She thinks on it for a moment, then decides to add a little reassurance, just in case. ] Until then I'm going to continue only smoking when I'm not working.
[ She turns her head to look at him, as if she might see what, specifically, he means. He knows she's a mess and the various factors playing into that. It's unlikely he doesn't know that she's pretending to be fine for the sake of getting through each day without collapsing, because she's nowhere near as good a pretender as he. So Athessa looks at him, determines that she doesn't know which specific contributor he's asking after, and shrugs. ]
Am I not hiding it well?
Am I not hiding it well?
[ At the first part, Bastien raises his eyebrows and does a wobbly contemplative nod, willing to at least consider the possibility of letting Byerly make that claim.
At the second, he grins. If not for the table between them and the room full of Kirkwall roughnecks, he might have kissed Byerly on the cheek for that—and it would have been like hitting a briefly-forgotten bruise on a sharp corner, so thank Andraste for the table and the roughnecks.
Instead: ]
I will make us matching bracelets.
[ A threat. ]
At the second, he grins. If not for the table between them and the room full of Kirkwall roughnecks, he might have kissed Byerly on the cheek for that—and it would have been like hitting a briefly-forgotten bruise on a sharp corner, so thank Andraste for the table and the roughnecks.
Instead: ]
I will make us matching bracelets.
[ A threat. ]
No, no. You have a very good brave face.
[ He stops writing to lean forward over the bench, one arm folded to pillow his chin, pen hand prodding her cheek with the inkless end in an aimless, gentle way that’s only intended to be slightly obnoxious. ]
Ouaip. No cracks at all.
[ He stops writing to lean forward over the bench, one arm folded to pillow his chin, pen hand prodding her cheek with the inkless end in an aimless, gentle way that’s only intended to be slightly obnoxious. ]
Ouaip. No cracks at all.
Ooh, don’t tempt me. I am trying to behave.
[ Because diamonds would come from nowhere legal, of course, and be very fun to acquire until he had to be rescued from the city guard and then explain himself to the other three Division Heads.
He finishes off his drink. ]
One last, mm... Do you know if it would bother Alexandrie? I know she might not have much right to mind, with— [ a gesture, in lieu of saying her Northern maleficar in a crowded tavern. ] But feelings don’t care about rights, and it could be—odd, when we are all friends.
[ And even without prying or being privy to the fallout, he’s noticed her jealousy elsewhere. Maybe he wouldn’t care about her feelings, if it came down to it; he has an underdeveloped sense of obligation at the best of times. Certainly not one strong enough to think he owes a duty to a married woman to keep his hands off her lover, if he decides he’d prefer not to. But she hugged him, before she left. ]
[ Because diamonds would come from nowhere legal, of course, and be very fun to acquire until he had to be rescued from the city guard and then explain himself to the other three Division Heads.
He finishes off his drink. ]
One last, mm... Do you know if it would bother Alexandrie? I know she might not have much right to mind, with— [ a gesture, in lieu of saying her Northern maleficar in a crowded tavern. ] But feelings don’t care about rights, and it could be—odd, when we are all friends.
[ And even without prying or being privy to the fallout, he’s noticed her jealousy elsewhere. Maybe he wouldn’t care about her feelings, if it came down to it; he has an underdeveloped sense of obligation at the best of times. Certainly not one strong enough to think he owes a duty to a married woman to keep his hands off her lover, if he decides he’d prefer not to. But she hugged him, before she left. ]
I - have not spoken with her about it. I wanted to ask you first.
[ He frowns a bit. Now that he's thinking about it, that was probably the wrong order to do it in, wasn't it. ]
But she has said specifically that she's been bothered by seeing me with women. Which is a bit of an oddity, to be fair, but... [ A one-shouldered shrug. ]
[ He frowns a bit. Now that he's thinking about it, that was probably the wrong order to do it in, wasn't it. ]
But she has said specifically that she's been bothered by seeing me with women. Which is a bit of an oddity, to be fair, but... [ A one-shouldered shrug. ]
If you like.
[ He keeps the pen fighting up while he talks, in a lazy way. ]
But you can still talk to me when you are not falling apart, you know. And you not have to talk about something once and then consider it be over forever. Talking is good for you.
[ He keeps the pen fighting up while he talks, in a lazy way. ]
But you can still talk to me when you are not falling apart, you know. And you not have to talk about something once and then consider it be over forever. Talking is good for you.
I do want to talk to you when I'm not falling apart,
[ She swivels, draping her legs over his (if they're sticking out under the bench) and taking care not to crush his knees or anything. The idea that she only talks to people when she's troubled about something or falling apart is one that has been weighing on her lately, which has contributed to her not talking to people she cares about, which doesn't really help anything. ]
But I also don't want to keep talking about myself right now. I wanna talk about...ya know. Happier things.
[ She swivels, draping her legs over his (if they're sticking out under the bench) and taking care not to crush his knees or anything. The idea that she only talks to people when she's troubled about something or falling apart is one that has been weighing on her lately, which has contributed to her not talking to people she cares about, which doesn't really help anything. ]
But I also don't want to keep talking about myself right now. I wanna talk about...ya know. Happier things.
[ Bastien thinks about it for a moment, then says, ]
D'accord.
[ He'd still like her to talk about things that bother her before she's crying about them, but he can certainly respect wanting to focus on something positive. So. ]
Have you heard any interesting gossip lately?
D'accord.
[ He'd still like her to talk about things that bother her before she's crying about them, but he can certainly respect wanting to focus on something positive. So. ]
Have you heard any interesting gossip lately?
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