I did not quite make it to the boat as planned. Or, I have now, but before I made it to the harbour I found myself running back to the Gallows with impulsive abandon to address something that was needling at me in the letter I had left him.
And now I have found myself leaving under different circumstances.
We have decided to... 'give it a try'— his words— although I think neither he nor I know what precisely that will mean.
I am writing to you of this because I thought perhaps you might find it preferable to be surprised by me than by him. I know there are times I cannot bear surprises well, although I think you are better at it than I.
And perhaps you will raise an eyebrow at those last lines and write 'Alexandrie what do you mean by any of that, I am only happy for you both', but if it is also something else... let us simply say that I have written because some kinds of secrets have taken enough from me, and I do not desire that our amiable friendship suffer for my silence. Of course, it may now suffer for my lack of it, but I find these days my heart is made more calm in that sufferance than the other.
(And if he is made cross that I have told you, then I shall apologize with great profusion and we all shall have learned something.)
book (private); shortly after ship leaves
I did not quite make it to the boat as planned. Or, I have now, but before I made it to the harbour I found myself running back to the Gallows with impulsive abandon to address something that was needling at me in the letter I had left him.
And now I have found myself leaving under different circumstances.
We have decided to... 'give it a try'— his words— although I think neither he nor I know what precisely that will mean.
I am writing to you of this because I thought perhaps you might find it preferable to be surprised by me than by him. I know there are times I cannot bear surprises well, although I think you are better at it than I.
And perhaps you will raise an eyebrow at those last lines and write 'Alexandrie what do you mean by any of that, I am only happy for you both', but if it is also something else... let us simply say that I have written because some kinds of secrets have taken enough from me, and I do not desire that our amiable friendship suffer for my silence. Of course, it may now suffer for my lack of it, but I find these days my heart is made more calm in that sufferance than the other.
(And if he is made cross that I have told you, then I shall apologize with great profusion and we all shall have learned something.)
—A